I’m a passionate person which, to most people, means that I’m rash. Most of the time, I am very good at controlling my anger, fear, indignance, etc. in times that it’s inappropriate. At work, I take on issues that other people don’t want to deal with and I work to placate people who are very upset. It’s just that sometimes I just get tired… of everything… and I explode. As my Mimi says, I’m a perfectly reasonable and polite person until you get on my bad side. Then I become a completely different person.
Since the surgery, I have been lashing out more than usual. I don’t know if it’s a normal part of recuperation like pain, depression, and listlessness, or if I’ve just gotten tired of dealing with the same messes every day.
In the past few weeks, I’ve become an advocate for moving on, lauding the benefits to pretty much everyone in my life, but have been unable to do it myself. Truthfully, that seems to make everything else worse. I would like to be able to get over this hump and progress. I want to do something, anything, with my life, but it never happens.
Is it me? I am the common denominator in the problem. Maybe it’s my high standards, my complacency, my sensitivity to rejection… I don’t know. I know there are plenty of people in my life who think that I am the problem. I mean, after he was fired, Matt found a job in eleven days. But there’s a difference: I have a job I love (well, most of the time). and I don’t need another job. I want a career. I want to make a difference, I want to help people, I want to enjoy my work, and I want to be able to do so and still support myself and my family. And I don’t think that’s wrong.
